Recently my band Forever Again has been preforming these open mic’s around Ottawa and I have to say it’s been a great help getting me to come out of my shell. I never though I would actually be preforming in front of people again but they seem to like it of course playing in front of maybe 20 people is much different then the show in May where there will be upwards to 1000. My band mates have been very supportive and are very talented and I believe things will go great, it’s a great honour playing with them every night and I always have a good time.
It makes me think back to the days when I was in this band called September Crush how I always wanted to go out and play but the lead vocalist never though we were ready and never gave me a chance to do my own thing other then the music itself… which of course she took with her. I mean she did not even want my vocals on the EP. I know I am not the best singer but her intention was just to make money with the music and that did not agree with me.
Forever Again is different, of course we want to be popular but also have fun doing it and eventually record a killer album but in the end I doubt will be recorded by me. I just don’t have the gear or knowledge to make it sound really sweet, but in the meantime we can put out or EP’s using my trusty Yamaha RX120 and at least then people can get the chance to hear my own vision I have for the band. Nice thing about being part of a band is the group effort of having everyone record their part then mix it down and soon enough you hear the real band and not just a guy like me recording all the parts by myself in a basement which is basically what the first EP is.
How Much Longer will be released over the Easter weekend, it’s pretty much done I just need to make some adjustments and again it’s basically just Mielle and myself doing vocals and what not but also Eric has some lead work and harmonics on “Your Bright Star” and all lead parts on “How Much Longer” I am having trouble getting it to sound just right so I plan to do my best and release what I have so at least people can hear it.
Other then working on the band things in my life have been going well other then Monday’s freakout, due to that I’ve basically cut even drinking now at least for the time being. I can’t say no to the odd pint now and then! I plan to drive back to Prince Edward Island to visit family in May and if I have any time I hope to do some recordings outdoors and perhaps write some new music. The time away from Ottawa will do me good and I am looking forward to seeing everyone, besides little adventures are healthy for the body and mind.
Spring has been here for a while but only just now the snow starts to melt, the weather becomes warmer and the plants begin to grow but yesterday is a day I never want to happen again. It was a day I will never forget for the rest of my life.
It started with pains in my chest which at first I though was my heart and then soon I started to feel a tingling sensation in my feet and legs, after that I decided to get a drink and walking to the fountain I felt dizzy and decided it’s probably best that I leave work for the day.
I jumped in the car and was about half way home when I started to hyperventilate and at the time I had no idea what was happening I was pretty sure I was going to die right there.
My hands locked into this vice like grip and it was near impossible to shift the car, I quickly pulled into a parking lot and tried to turn off the car. I couldn’t get my seat-belt off but luckily my window was down enough to call out to someone passing by and in turn they called someone to go inside the store to find a medical person to help.
Lucky for me however a nice lady was walking by and asked me if I was alright and tried to calm me down while she called 911. This was the first time I was carted away in an ambulance, still had no idea what was happening to me and they explained I was hyperventilating and to calm down. At the hospital a nurse took my blood pressure and my arm became painful and numb, telling her to please take it off but it was soon over and I was asked to go sit in a room.
My longtime friend Sasha left work to stay with me as we waited to be seen by a doctor. I am a lucky guy to have such a great friend. It turned out to be nothing more then a panic attack and severe muscle cramps, basically all symptoms of hyperventilating. They did blood tests which came normal. Gave me some pills I refuse to take and sent me on my way and after all that I still don’t know what made me all of a sudden freak out to the point of not being able to control myself. It was awful and terrifying.
I should mention however I am beating my depression, I’ve basically removed drugs from my daily life as well as drinking and started doing Yoga and small workouts daily. Ever since I changed my lifestyle I have felt much better but then this happens and now I am back to being uncertain. I won’t let it win, I will continue to do my Yoga more seriously, look into acupuncture and perhaps start doing ti chi as a form of relaxation. This unknown fear that took over my body yesterday morning won’t beat me.
It’s funny because when I though last year things would change.. well it did not quite happen like that. Nothing has changed and I’m not saying that is bad because really I still have a job, Forever Again is actually becomming a band and I’ve moved into a larger place but still I find myself stepping back a few paces. Living with my old roomie again and as good as the company is I am still doing the same thing I have done for the past few many years. I tried living on my own for a while but with the dog I found it very difficult and not knowing anyone I became very depressed.
Trying to find what is actually bothering me is difficult too, at first I though it was because I was abusing drugs which eventually I cut out and quite proud of myself, secondly I seemed to replace that with drinking which I did not cut out but drastically cut back and started my yoga/workout routine again. Things have improved health wise but there is still something nawing at my soul and the only thing I could possibly think of is perhaps I am lonely and miss this girl that I’ve fallen for.
She is not even in the country though so it’s not like we can be together and a long distance relationship is out of the question so it’s either I wait or find someone else. I have tried several dating sites but anyone I met is not quite my type. I mean that the girls I’ve met talk rather to much for me, but then again I’d rather not be with a social butterfly when I myself is not one to be very social.
Though with that aside what else can be bothering me except of course the obvious which is that I miss my family and friends back home but going back there is also out of the question as there is no work there.It’s either you have a good job and be lonely or have family and friends around you but have no money and no way to pay for what you need to survive.
Seems a little insane to me but at the moment that is my life and I have to deal with it tee best way I can. This job provided me with the means to start a music career which I always wanted to do but even that does not seem to help.. to be honest I want to travel and now that I have my passport I can go any fucking place I want.
I am staying here until I have enough money saved to do what I want and get on with my life and I am hoping by fall I can do that. This sounds much like an earlier post that I made sometime last Summer where I had planned to move to Vancouver in the fall and though I still want to do that it seems pretty far away yet. It’s a New Year and things are going to change for me I know that.
It’s been a long time in the making but I have finally released the first ever Forever Again EP featuring a total of 5 new tracks. Some of these have actually been found on our first acoustic demo released early 2012 but this time full band. Funny, but it’s not a full band we are actually a duo and just layer all the insturments. It’s my best released work todate but I strive to improve my abilities with the next release. Check back every now and then for more updates as I plan to eventually revamp the site and have music, photos and more constant updates.
Here is the EP
Yes indeed I decided to keep Rimsala.com and continue blogging even though not a whole lot of people visit the site but it is nice to get some things off my chest now and then. The website was days past the expire date however I was able to still renew, I guess they hold it for 30 days before it goes up for sale. Now that it’s back I will continue blogging about my life, ideas, passions and what’s to the horizon.
Anyway, I’ve been telling myself I need to save money because my contract is up this month and instead of listing to myself I went out and bought a very expensive vintage Gibson guitar. I felt that it was calling my name and after playing it for a while I decided to buy it. Over the weekend I tried recording with it, but would often go out of tune. Not only that but there was a ding on the tip of the truss rod which would prevent me from ever adjusting the neck. I ended up returning the guitar and plan to save the money to eventually purchase a van.
I ended up selling my last vehicle because I knew there was no way it would pass Ontario inspection and at least this way I can buy something in better shape that would pass the eTest here. Still though I am very concerned about what’s happening with my job here and if its not extended what will I do? How will I get out of my lease? What will I do for work and where will I live? Really I did not want to stay here for the cold months, but if I can get EI for at least the Winter then I can stay here with friends until the Spring then head out. Besides it would be better to move in the Spring then Summer? Lets see how things progress.
Haven’t posted anything since the Spring but in all honestly very little has happened since my last post. As I already mentioned I did end up moving to Ottawa and now, sadly stuck in a year lease and looks like I will be suck in Ottawa for the Winter dealing with the insanely cold temperatures, bullshit and boredom; Vancouver couldn’t look any further away!
I try to be more positive or at least look at the bright side of things because I have my own place with Scarlet, a good job (At least for now), my music gear, good friends that always make me feel better and recently picked up a 12 dollar bike that I will be enjoying until the snow litters the earth.
Still enjoying working on music but there are days where I think if there is any point of making music in the first place, it will probably never be played live.. then I think to myself it will be and I carry on. It’s a vicious cycle I tell you; Forever Again has been dropped, at least as a band I might continue the name as another project of some type. Folklove is still going strong however I haven’t done anything with it recently since the last Floating Away EP. Lately my music has been sounding more of how I want it to sound, It’s a learning process that I have been undertaking since last November when I purchased my first Audio Interface and started creating music more seriously.
This blog has 3 days to expire; should I continue with the name or drop it in favour of something else? I could back up the database and put it up on something else instead of continuing with the name but we shall see. If you think so please comment!